Let her go
I’m fine, I can handle anything.
She handles, yes, but she never breathes. She never gives up and that’s her biggest problem. She can handle anything because there’s always a solution to their problem, always a way to get out of a messy situation. But she lies, she’s a vulnerable woman, she can’t handle anything. She can’t. And right now, she needs to get out of her mess, needs to find a solution. Because she has to breathe.
It’s been ten months of sleepless nights, of « I just need one minute », of silent cries behind doors, behind walls, under sheets. It’s been ten months and they keep hurting themselves with stolen moments they shouldn’t live. And she’s holding her breath.
She goes to war everyday with a smile on her face, she fixes things, because that’s what she does. But she can’t fix herself, she won’t. She wants painful, difficult, devastating, life-changing, extraordinary love. She doesn’t know anything else, doesn’t know what simple and normal feels like. And she doesn’t want to.
She needs time, needs more than one minute to try and catch hear breath. It’s a never ending story, a complicated book with so many blank pages filled with invisible words they haven’t written yet. And even haven’t shared.
Tomorrow I’ll try harder, she tells herself.
Tomorrow she’ll wake up, sit at the end of her bed and feel better. She will erase her tears with everything she has, and she won’t stop trying until she feels better.
But she even lies to herself. It comes with the job, yes, but it was easier back then, when she thought the exatrordinary man in her life was her extraordinary love.
But now she knows she doesn’t have him, never had him. Now she has nothing, she’s alone in this. She can’t tell anyone, can’t involve anyone in her mess. They have their own secrets and lies, they doesn’t need to witness hers.
That makes her a very lonely woman.
So she needs to move on, she needs time to herself. To find closure. To start anew.
She needs to end it now, but she wants him to let her go first.